Possibly my least favourite childcare task is managing whose turn it is to have the best thing this time.
This could be made worse by the fact that I have three girls, the elder two who are in some kind of fight to the death contest for the pinkest, frilliest, girliest objects in the world.
I really try to buy multiples of things to avoid fights but it never works out. It's like the odd sock rule. Nothing ever pairs up as it comes out of the dishwasher.
This principle is at it's worst when it comes to cups. If you want to get my girls a drink you need to remember the rules at all times.
1. Character cups trump plain colored cups.
2. Girlie characters (princesses, ponies etc.) trump boyish characters (toy story, cars etc) UNLESS we have just watched Toy Story, then those cups will beat the girlie ones - for THAT DAY ONLY.
3. There is a hierarchy of girlie characters. Disney princesses beat Dora who beats My Little Ponies who beat generic girlie icons.
4. Plain colored cups also have a hierarchy, which is in descending order:
- pink
- purple
- red
- orange
- blue
- yellow
- green
5. Bunnykins cups are only permitted when all other cups are in the dishwasher.
5a.There are 4 bunnykins cups. 3 match, one is different. It has the highest value.
6. Categories can NEVER be mixed. For example, it's forbidden to give out a character cup and a plain colored cup
7. The girl who had the highest ranking cup last time, gets the lower ranking cup this time.
Got all that? Right. Once everyone has a drink, then you can start with snacks.
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Monday, 25 July 2011
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
I Love the Smell of Baby Wipes in the Morning
One of the best things about two year old Miss Rose getting more verbal is that she can have conversations with her big sister as well as me, and it is absolutely delightful and often hilarious.
Last week I bought a different brand of baby wipes and the girls were helping me clean up the baby after I fed her. It went a little something like this........
Miss Jade (4 years old): These wipes smell delicious. Do you know what they smell like?
Me: What darling?
Miss Rose: Chippies!
Miss Jade: NO! They don’t smell like chippies. Mum, do you know what they smell like?
Me: What darling?
Miss Rose: FEET!!
Me: Miss Rose, let Miss Jade tell me what they smell like.
Miss Jade: Strawberries, they smell like strawberries.
Miss Rose: (Sniffing at a wipe) Mmmmm. Schawbeeees...
For the record, the wipes smell like .......baby wipes.
Monday, 13 June 2011
A Tale of 3 Fake Boobs
At my local shopping centre there is one of those shops that sells everything. You know, the ones that have $1 greeting cards, buddha statues, cane baskets in all sizes and every piece of homeware you will never need. Some of my favourite items in this shop include seriously gothic walking sticks with metal skulls on the top, and figurines of dragons wearing judo suits. Because apparently when you are a fire breathing dragon, you still might need to use martial arts - luckily they are black belts.
Out of all these weird and wonderful items that my family love to browse through, there is one that I have had to buy, replace and now need to replace again. It's supposed to be a stress ball, but one that is shaped like a boob. These boobs are both ridiculously inaccurate (perfect spheres, perfectly round nipples with evenly distributed lumps and bumps) and alarmingly accurate (when squeezed they swell and turn red in a perfect impression of mastitis). For some unfathomable reason, the kids love them.
When my husband first arrived home with one that the girls had chosen during a shopping trip I was unsure how to handle it. On the one hand, the girls see boobs all the time thanks to the very frequent breastfeeding that goes on in our house, so of course they don't see anything unusual about a stress ball in this shape. On the other hand, it's probably not a product that was designed with children under 5 in mind. Of course, I took the cowards way out and just tried to hide the damn thing whenever noone was looking.
This was working well, until our nieces (yes, all the cousins are girls too) came over to play, and the one year old took an enormous bite out of the boob. Red stuff went everywhere and my girls cried until I relented and agreed to replace the boob. Which I promptly hid again.
Then, 2 weeks ago, Miss Rose found my hiding place and spent the afternoon pretending to breastfeed from the boob. All good, until she realised it was funny to shake her head around like a dog with a chew toy while doing it and we had another boob explosion.
So now I have had to add a third fake boob to my shopping list for the week. I think if anything could put you off getting a boob job, this is probably it. Maybe I will buy my husband a walking stick with a skull on it while I'm there. His birthday is coming up, and he does keep pointing them out to me.
What weird things have your kids talked you into buying?
Thursday, 5 May 2011
My Day Off
Today is Thursday. The day that is referred to in this household as ‘my day off’. I love my day off. On my day off I get up, feed, dress and pack up all the kids. I drop almost 2 year old Miss Rose at family daycare at 8.45, then 4 Year Old Miss Jade at preschool at 9am and take 3 month old Miss Grace with me to get the groceries. After that I race home, feed Miss Grace, unpack the shopping, and get to enjoy my indulgence of the week......
A lunch that someone else makes for me and a couple of precious hours to myself while Miss Grace naps.
It is absolute bliss, and so very very quiet. At least until 2pm when I start to miss the big girls so I race to start the dinner, sort out the washing and head off to collect Miss Jade and Miss Grace, unpack their bags and rush to give baths, dinner and get everyone off to bed so I can spend an hour or two with Dear Hubby where we get to complete a sentence and eat chocolate biscuits (although if I’m honest I usually fall asleep on the couch at this time and DH has to wake me up to remind me to go to bed or go to the crying baby).
Before I had kids, I would have needed a day off after a day like this....
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Myths Exposed! 4 Things That Do Not Prepare You For Parenthood
My little bro has just announced he's having a baby. Well, not him obviously, his partner I mean, and I am ridiculously excited. Not only because I am about to be an Auntie again, but also because of the fabulous opportunity it presents to start doling out unsolicited advice. So here's where I'm going to start. Although maybe this should be termed Anti-Advice. The six things that do not prepare you for parenthood, even though you probably thought they would. Catchy, isn't it?
1. Changing Nappies
For some unfathomable reason, the ability to change a nappy seems like the cornerstone of parenthood before you have children ie "I don't know how he'll go, he's NEVER EVEN changed a nappy." Look, let's face it, you will be changing a lot of nappies. It's a skill you have to have. But no matter how good you are at changing nappies before you have kids (BK), it's a task that will pale into insignificance compared to constant rocking, wrapping, patting and worrying that your child will grow up to have serious psychological issues because you fed them at the wrong time.
2. Babysitting
This includes all forms of working in childcare, having godchildren or much younger siblings you helped with. There is nothing like the overwhelming feeling of being completely and totally responsible for another human being. It's just not the same with kids that you get to hand back. A family friend of ours ran the baby room of a childcare centre and was sure she was ready for kids. When Mum visited her post-baby she answered the door in her pjs, breakfast dishes undone and baby screaming in the background. It was 3pm.
3. Pet Ownership
Look, at the risk of offending the owners of cats or small dogs, pets ARE NOT people. Pretty much the hardest work you will have to do with a pet is organize Someone else to look after them while you are on holidays. Not quite so easy with kids. For one thing, it's a bit more pressure on people to find a similar looking replacement child if they disappear while you are on your mini-break, so there are a lot less volunteers.
4. Staying Up All Night
"How bad can this sleep deprivation thing be?" you ask "i've stayed up all night before and it wasn't that bad." That may be true, but after that night did you sling your party shoes over your shoulder and skip merrily home to "catch up on sleep"? Well, did you? And then the next night, did you go back to your normal, uninterrupted sleep? Well? Well? Well? Ahem. Sorry, it's just that I haven't had a full night's sleep for 730 days. Just saying.
So what can prepare you for parenthood? The short answer is, nothing. No one can tell you how hard and how amazing it is going to be. So I am just telling my little bro to take all the opportunities he can to eat out, go to the movies and oh yes, sleep before December rolls around. Congratulations little bro !!!!
1. Changing Nappies
For some unfathomable reason, the ability to change a nappy seems like the cornerstone of parenthood before you have children ie "I don't know how he'll go, he's NEVER EVEN changed a nappy." Look, let's face it, you will be changing a lot of nappies. It's a skill you have to have. But no matter how good you are at changing nappies before you have kids (BK), it's a task that will pale into insignificance compared to constant rocking, wrapping, patting and worrying that your child will grow up to have serious psychological issues because you fed them at the wrong time.
2. Babysitting
This includes all forms of working in childcare, having godchildren or much younger siblings you helped with. There is nothing like the overwhelming feeling of being completely and totally responsible for another human being. It's just not the same with kids that you get to hand back. A family friend of ours ran the baby room of a childcare centre and was sure she was ready for kids. When Mum visited her post-baby she answered the door in her pjs, breakfast dishes undone and baby screaming in the background. It was 3pm.
3. Pet Ownership
Look, at the risk of offending the owners of cats or small dogs, pets ARE NOT people. Pretty much the hardest work you will have to do with a pet is organize Someone else to look after them while you are on holidays. Not quite so easy with kids. For one thing, it's a bit more pressure on people to find a similar looking replacement child if they disappear while you are on your mini-break, so there are a lot less volunteers.
4. Staying Up All Night
"How bad can this sleep deprivation thing be?" you ask "i've stayed up all night before and it wasn't that bad." That may be true, but after that night did you sling your party shoes over your shoulder and skip merrily home to "catch up on sleep"? Well, did you? And then the next night, did you go back to your normal, uninterrupted sleep? Well? Well? Well? Ahem. Sorry, it's just that I haven't had a full night's sleep for 730 days. Just saying.
So what can prepare you for parenthood? The short answer is, nothing. No one can tell you how hard and how amazing it is going to be. So I am just telling my little bro to take all the opportunities he can to eat out, go to the movies and oh yes, sleep before December rolls around. Congratulations little bro !!!!
Monday, 18 April 2011
Holidays from Hell
A few weeks ago, I strapped my 3 daughters into their carseats, and set off on our way to drive down the coast. After 5 hours we ended up .........
back home.
We got stuck in traffic chaos after some flash flooding and ended up turning back when a landslide closed all roads leading south. They cried, I cried, the car overheated and we officially had our first "holiday from hell" experience as a family.
But it's still not the worst holiday I've ever had.
For nearly 20 years now, my brother and I have been mercilessly guilting our Dad about "the trip from hell". It was a canoe trip. Look, for me, this post could end right there. A canoe trip, while all the other kids at school were going to the Gold Coast or Hamilton island to tear it up in the kids club, seemed a poor second. Let me also emphasize that this was a survivor style canoe trip which was to involve 5 nights, in the Winter holidays, at a campsite you had to canoe to, that would therefore have no toilets or ANY AMENITIES OF ANY KIND.
Right, so, already reluctant we set out from our house, collected by a slightly deranged guy with some canoes tenuously attached to a trailer. How tenuous became obvious as we wound our way down Cambewarra Mountain and the canoes disembarked. Have I mentioned that this was the man my parents had paid for canoe hire and drop-off and pick-up at Tallowa Dam?He wasn't a random guy off the street or anything, he even had an ad in the Yellow Pages, indicating that he normally did this sort of thing for a living.
So, canoes re-attached we arrived at the dam(n) and set out into what could only be described as the largest freak windstorm of the mid 90's. And I am not even exaggerating much. Waves were breaking over the side of the canoes. We were rocking, tipping and generally paddling as fast as we could to get nowhere, or at the very least to avoid getting closer to the dam wall. My brother and I were crying, Dad was yelling "JUST PADDLE!!!" and Mum was fence-sitting by alternating between the two. After literally hours of this we finally crossed the damn and managed to create a makeshift campsite just before dark. Everything was wet and several loose items of clothing and luggage had been lost. Miraculously though, we were all OK. At least until the return trip when crazy canoe man was UNCONTACTABLE when he was supposed to be collecting us. I have never been so glad to see the end of a holiday.
Even though Mum and Dad did compensate for this trip in later years by buying a holiday house at the coast that produced much less death defying mini- breaks, it's the trip from hell that we always talk about. There must be a lesson in there somewhere. Something about family unity, teamwork in the face of adversity, yadda, yadda, yadda. Just don't tell Dad. We're still guilting him.
back home.
We got stuck in traffic chaos after some flash flooding and ended up turning back when a landslide closed all roads leading south. They cried, I cried, the car overheated and we officially had our first "holiday from hell" experience as a family.
But it's still not the worst holiday I've ever had.
For nearly 20 years now, my brother and I have been mercilessly guilting our Dad about "the trip from hell". It was a canoe trip. Look, for me, this post could end right there. A canoe trip, while all the other kids at school were going to the Gold Coast or Hamilton island to tear it up in the kids club, seemed a poor second. Let me also emphasize that this was a survivor style canoe trip which was to involve 5 nights, in the Winter holidays, at a campsite you had to canoe to, that would therefore have no toilets or ANY AMENITIES OF ANY KIND.
Right, so, already reluctant we set out from our house, collected by a slightly deranged guy with some canoes tenuously attached to a trailer. How tenuous became obvious as we wound our way down Cambewarra Mountain and the canoes disembarked. Have I mentioned that this was the man my parents had paid for canoe hire and drop-off and pick-up at Tallowa Dam?He wasn't a random guy off the street or anything, he even had an ad in the Yellow Pages, indicating that he normally did this sort of thing for a living.
So, canoes re-attached we arrived at the dam(n) and set out into what could only be described as the largest freak windstorm of the mid 90's. And I am not even exaggerating much. Waves were breaking over the side of the canoes. We were rocking, tipping and generally paddling as fast as we could to get nowhere, or at the very least to avoid getting closer to the dam wall. My brother and I were crying, Dad was yelling "JUST PADDLE!!!" and Mum was fence-sitting by alternating between the two. After literally hours of this we finally crossed the damn and managed to create a makeshift campsite just before dark. Everything was wet and several loose items of clothing and luggage had been lost. Miraculously though, we were all OK. At least until the return trip when crazy canoe man was UNCONTACTABLE when he was supposed to be collecting us. I have never been so glad to see the end of a holiday.
Even though Mum and Dad did compensate for this trip in later years by buying a holiday house at the coast that produced much less death defying mini- breaks, it's the trip from hell that we always talk about. There must be a lesson in there somewhere. Something about family unity, teamwork in the face of adversity, yadda, yadda, yadda. Just don't tell Dad. We're still guilting him.
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