Birth

I have got 3 birth stories.
That is a lot of birth.
Before I had my kids I would hear of some celebrities giving birth by Caesar and think "pfft - that's not giving birth!"
Well, karma certainly gave me a smackdown about that.

I 100% knew that I would be having natural births. I also knew I would not be having anyone stick a big fat needle in my spine in order to put drugs in. I was going to do this PROPERLY. As nature intended.
Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I have had 2 labors and 3 Caesars.

I went into labour with Miss Jade at home. A couple of hours later I went to hospital. A couple of hours of vomiting, pooing, moaning and groaning later the midwife proudly announced that I was 3 centimeters dilated.
3 whole centimeters.
Oh. My. God.
I agreed to some gas for pain relief. At 7am my obstetrician examined me and said I was doing really well, I was 7cm dilated and gave me a lovely shot of pethidine.
At 10am a different midwife announced that I was fully dilated and would have this baby by lunchtime.
Did I feel ready to push?
Um, OK.
A bit of pushing and an embarrassing bladder failure later my obstetrician was back.
Hmmm, baby's head isn't really coming down, let's just check you again. Oh, hmm, you're only 7cm dilated. Oh and your contractions aren't looking very productive, and let's give you something to intensify those (INTENSIFY?! What. The. Fuck?) oh and most people have an epidural about now. I grunted that I would "see how I go" , but I was begging for it by lunchtime.

A long, painless, heavily monitored afternoon followed. A procession of people came and went. Hubby "popped out for lunch" with his brother. Eventually at 5pm my obstetrician announced I was still only 8cm dilated and she was going to organize a Caesar. Finally my beautiful Miss Jade was born just after 7pm.

I felt approximately like I had gone on a massive bender, that ended with being stabbed and then someone had handed me a baby to look after. I mean, I couldn't even feel my legs. In the first photos I'm holding Miss Jade very very tightly. Just in case I drop her. All in all it was a pretty awful day. Everyone meeting the baby kept telling me it must be all worth it when you look at the baby but I didn't feel that way at all. I felt like that was a fairly hideous thing to do no matter what the outcome.

I mean, I was totally amazed, astounded and in awe of Miss Jade. But that didn't change my birth experience. And also - recovering from a Caesar is where all the pain is, especially when the midwives fail to mention that you are entitled to anything other than Panadol for pain relief.

By the time I was pregnant with Miss Rose I knew I would never repeat that experience. I was not going to labour for so many hours to end up having a Caesar anyway. So I did the unthinkable and had an elective Caesar.
And you know what? It was a beautiful experience. And lightning didn't even strike me down when I wrote that. I was terrified beforehand. I didn't sleep the night before. But I had a fantastic anesthetist (Repeat after me: Endone, Endone) all went smoothly, and I was feeding the gorgeous Miss Rose by 10.30am.
The recovery had its sucky points, but I knew what to expect and I had booked in a lot of lovely R&R time to do it in.

For Miss Grace I seriously researched and considered a VBAC. But in the end I chose to have another Caesar. Then I went into labour 3 hours before I was due at the hospital. I mean, who does that? I had a very early morning surgery where Miss Grace came into the world screaming like a chainsaw. Someone put her cheek to cheek with me and i thought "i know you". Afterwards all I could think was "thank God I never have to do that again".

I don't think we have enough respect for birth, however it happens. There is really no easy way to get a baby from inside you to out in the world. I get so tired of hearing natural birth advocates demonizing obstetricians and vice versa. Yes, birth is natural, but it's not perfect. And also, it's a big deal. A huge job for the female body. Women need support to bring their children into the world safely, not attitude from the rest of the world about how it is "supposed" to happen.

So if you happen to be someone who does that - you should shut up.

So there.

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3 Princesses

One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog was because I have 3 girls and I wanted to celebrate it. When we announced that we were having a third little princess, some of the reactions we got were, well, less than enthusiastic. Everything from "Oh Well, to "Never mind," to "Oh no! Now you'll have to have four". The next question was always "Are you going to keep trying for a boy?" Um, no.
Look, I'm sure I would have loved a boy as well, if that's what we ended up with, but we really had no gender preference at all. I want my girls to know that we think girls are awesome and a family of all girls is awesome. So here's some of the things I love about having 3 daughters:

1. The clothes. Girls clothes are a massive amount of fun. Everything from their pj'sto their dress-ups. Miss Jade and Miss Rose are already unapologetically girly. Both are currently going through a phase of pants refusal. Dresses and skirts only thanks very much mum. It already amazes me how much getting dressed or dressed up is a creative process for them. They love trying on different colours, shapes, sizes and we can easily while away a whole afternoon on trying things on and being a "fashion girl", parading around in them. I try to let them choose their own clothes as much as I can, and even though the results are sometimes a little left of centre, they really are so proud of how they look.

2. Sisterly love. The girls are so loving and caring towards one another*. They love playing Mum and Baby roles and looking after each other. Unfortunately they also use this power for evil by ganging up on me. eg by both jumping on the lounge when they know I can't get both of them off at once. Also the way they look after Miss Grace just melts my heart. I often find all three of them just laying on the floor together pretending to be tucked up in bed under a blanket. I secretly hope they will be each others' bridesmaids and best friends when they grow up.

3. Concerts. Already at 2 and 4, the big girls love to put on a concert. They love to dress up and plan it. They love dancing around and showing us their tricks. They love when we clap the beautiful dancing girls. Then they love to repeat it. Again, and again and again. And again and again.

4. Talking. Girls love to talk and talk and talk. They tell stories, they tell you about how they feel, what they want to do tomorrow, who they want to marry when they grow up (At this stage it's Daddy, but I can live with that for now), what happened at preschool, what they dreamed about last night, what their imaginary friends are up to, and what their favourite colour is. My girls also love to talk on the phone when they are in the mood, and it gives me a giggle to hear Mr MITB or Granny and Grandad trying to get them off the line politely when they are in a hurry.

5. I'm a girl too, and it's a great thing to have in common. My girls like lots of the things I like (it was a glorious moment the first time we outvoted Mr MITB to watch a reality show about weddings), they like doing girlie things with me and want to be like me.  Being not a particularly girlie girl myself this took me a bit by suprise, but oh boy it has grown on me. It's so much fun to go for a babycino and do a spot of shopping, especially with Miss Jade who is old enough to really appreciate it.

Girls are also complex and intense and serious and funny. Sometimes I joke with my friends with daughters that they are high maintenance, and that we will have our work cut out for us in the teenage years, but I would really not have it any other way. At the very least I figure that girls are more likely to remember my birthday and take me to my Doctor's appointments when I'm old. So here's to my beautiful girls. Because girls are amazing. I love you to the moon and the sun and the stars and the trees and back. xxx

* Of course they do still yell,scream, pull hair and have turf wars over the prized baby doll of the week, but also lots of loving and caring.

Settling a Screamer

Today Miss Grace, who is 4 months old , rolled over for the first time. This means I really can't call her a newborn anymore. I have now done that phase 3 times over.I remember when Miss Jade was a newborn feeling like this phase was stretching on forever and wondering how I would ever get through it. In honour of this milestone I wanted to share what I did with each of the girls when they were clenching their fists, arching their backs, going stiff and screaming their heads off.

Miss Jade:

Put her in the baby swing( this worked so well that it was very very tempting to leave her there all day).

Leaving her to cry for a little while. Miss Jade was a baby who got very stressed when overhandled. As painful as it was to hear the screaming, she was often asleep after 15 minutes.

Rocking, wrapping, patting and singing Old Macdonald 4000 times.

Miss Rose:

Breastfeeding, cuddling, co-sleeping.

Miss Grace:

Holding her but only while standing up. The second your bum hits that couch she knows about it.

Sometimes breastfeeding.

A little bit of a leg or tummy rub.

Notice how nothing worked for all of them, and there were some days where nothing worked at all. In fact the only real cure for the screaming was time. Eventually every crying episode stopped and they eventually all cried a lot less. I guess it's true what they say " This too shall pass". I wish I had that kind of perspective the first time around. Now That would be a really great present to give a new mum at her baby shower.

My Day Off

Today is Thursday. The day that is referred to in this household as ‘my day off’.  I love my day off. On my day off I get up, feed, dress and pack up all the kids. I drop almost 2 year old Miss Rose at family daycare at 8.45, then 4 Year Old Miss Jade at preschool at 9am and take 3 month old Miss Grace with me to get the groceries.  After that I race home, feed Miss Grace, unpack the shopping, and get to enjoy my indulgence of the week......

 A lunch that someone else makes for me and a couple of precious hours to myself while Miss Grace naps.

 It is absolute bliss, and so very very quiet.  At least until 2pm when I start to miss the big girls so I race to start the dinner, sort out the washing and head off to collect Miss Jade and Miss Grace,  unpack their bags and rush to give baths, dinner and get everyone off to bed so I can spend an hour or two with Dear Hubby where we get to complete a sentence and eat chocolate biscuits (although if I’m honest I usually fall asleep on the couch at this time and  DH has to wake me up to remind me to go to bed or go to the crying baby).

Before I had kids, I would have needed a day off after a day like this....