Myths Exposed! 4 Things That Do Not Prepare You For Parenthood

My little bro has just announced he's having a baby. Well, not him obviously, his partner I mean, and I am ridiculously excited. Not only because I am about to be an Auntie again, but also because of the fabulous opportunity it presents to start doling out unsolicited advice. So here's where I'm going to start. Although maybe this should be termed Anti-Advice. The six things that do not prepare you for parenthood, even though you probably thought they would. Catchy, isn't it?

1. Changing Nappies
For some unfathomable reason, the ability to change a nappy seems like the cornerstone of parenthood before you have children ie "I don't know how he'll go, he's NEVER EVEN changed a nappy." Look, let's face it, you will be changing a lot of nappies. It's a skill you have to have. But  no matter how good you are at changing nappies before you have kids (BK), it's a task that will pale into insignificance compared to constant rocking, wrapping, patting and worrying that your child will grow up to have serious psychological issues because you fed them at the wrong time.

2. Babysitting
This includes all forms of working in childcare, having godchildren or much younger siblings you helped with. There is nothing like the overwhelming feeling of being completely and totally responsible for another human being. It's just not the same with kids that you get to hand back. A family friend of ours ran the baby room of a childcare centre and was sure she was ready for kids. When Mum visited her post-baby she answered the door in her pjs, breakfast dishes undone and baby screaming in the background. It was 3pm.

3. Pet Ownership
Look,  at the risk of offending the owners of cats or small dogs, pets ARE NOT people. Pretty much the hardest work you will have to do with a pet is organize Someone else to look after them while you are on holidays. Not quite so easy with kids. For one thing, it's a bit more pressure on people to find a similar looking replacement child if they disappear while you are on your mini-break, so there are a lot less volunteers.

4. Staying Up All Night
"How bad can this sleep deprivation thing be?" you ask "i've stayed up all night before and it wasn't that bad." That may be true, but after that night did you sling your party shoes over your shoulder and skip merrily home  to "catch up on sleep"? Well, did you? And then the next night, did you go back to your normal, uninterrupted sleep? Well? Well? Well? Ahem. Sorry, it's just that I haven't had a full night's sleep for 730 days. Just saying.

So what can prepare you for parenthood? The short answer is, nothing. No one can tell you how hard and how amazing it is going to be. So I am just telling my little bro to take all the opportunities he can to eat out, go to the movies and oh yes, sleep before December rolls around. Congratulations little bro !!!!