An Indecent Proposal

*** Mum, stop reading this post. I’m serious, skip it. Thankyou****

One night this week, I may or may not have suggested to Mr MITB that he go to visit a Lady of the Night.  Now if you also saw me making a comment on Mamamia last week that insinuated I might be interested in swinging, you could assume that I have a very very interesting relationship.  Sadly I only accidentally indicated an interest in swinging and I was joking about sending my husband to a brothel. (Although, worryingly instead of responding with laughter he did ask me to ring him a Taxi.)

****Mum, you only have yourself to blame*********

So why would a Mum In The Burbs make such a joke?  Well at that moment in time the logistics of sending Mr MITB to a “massage parlour” or similar, seemed far more workable than getting the two of us in a room together without children.  For one thing, I could stay home with the kids and wouldn’t need a babysitter ( and therefore I wouldn’t need to spend a week expressing enough milk for a feed in 10ml increments only to hear that the baby wouldn’t take a bottle.)  Also it would beat trying to find a tiny window of opportunity overnight where we were both awake, in our bed and not breastfeeding, hitting snooze on the alarm or being manhandled by our four year old princess. OK, we would not have to be in our bed (we are not quite that boring), just not in our children’s beds.

As you might have guessed, our girls are not the world’s greatest sleepers. In between breastfeeding, night terrors, co-sleeping and bedwetting, me and Mr MITB sure haven’t had much alone time in the past four years (yes, yes, OTHER than the times we conceived our second and third princesses).  And I have to admit feeling a teensy bit jealous at the families who have kids that sleep from 7 till 7 every night. OK, not a teensy bit - overwhelmingly, murderously jealous. Imagine, all that time you could be spending as a couple, it would be like the honeymoon period all over again. At least having no alone time is a failsafe contraception.  So no more little princesses on the way, and hopefully these ones will start to sleep more as they get older. Otherwise I may have to put a call out on Twitter for escort recommendations for real.

 I’m giving it a year .